Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Pet Diaries


The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

23 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. Old school copypasta but always worth a good read. Someone should really expand this and turn it into a short book or something. I would read it.

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  3. I agree with Dante N. This would be a hell of a book. I might even try to write a short story along these lines. Then again, that wouldn't do much for my reputation as a (male) crazy cat lady.

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  4. dogs are so awesome, so happy and carefree, sometimes i think dogs have it best

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  5. Not once did the cat lol. Clearly, it does not have internet connection.

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  6. I reamin a cat person. Team CAT!!

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  7. that´s so true, dogs are stupid, but cats are awesome!

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  8. Hah, that's really funny man :) That's why i like dogs more :)

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  9. I like Dogs better, but the cat is pretty funny. Also It should be made into a book.

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  10. This post made me well up a little. Cute little kitty.

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  11. I enjoyed your point of view in this post

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  12. :D kittehs takein over the worldz

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